Rain + Fire Ants = Are You Kidding Me??

It’s been raining like crazy here in Florida for the past week or so. I know this is normal for the so called ‘rainy season’, but even the meteorologists say that this has been an unusually wet start to the month of August. I personally could give a rat’s ass if it rained 24/7, as my outdoor activities have been severely hampered due to my smashed left foot.

So as I’m laid up, I watch a lot of TV to help pass the time. Flipping around the channels, I stop on the local news. As I’m watching, up comes a segment about the current flooding that is occurring on the gulf coast. They key in on a reporter wearing a polo and khakis, standing in some poor souls yard. He’s knee deep in water, holding a microphone. I personally wouldn’t hold an electronic devise while standing in water, but that’s just me.

Due to a ton of rain, things have been kinda damp here...
Due to a ton of rain, things have been kinda damp here…

He then begins his spiel concerning the dangers of flood waters. Your basic things such as don’t drive in standing water, even if it looks like you can make it. Don’t wade through flood waters because they are a health hazard due to sewage back up. And this one was new to me, be on the lookout for floating alligators and snakes.

The reporter turns back to the flood waters as to hammer home his point, and this blob floats by. He then snaps back , looks straight into the camera and calmly states, “And don’t forget to look out for floating fire ant mounds.

See!! They float!! Shit!!
See!! They float!! Shit!!

OH HELL NO! Did he just say floating fire ant mounds???

I could handle the alligators and snakes. They’re big, bulky and noticeable. They also don’t hang around in biomasses.

But fire ants??

It’s bad enough these little bastards are all over the place and sting like hell, but now they’re MOBILE??? Floating all over the place?? Millions and billions of nasty, stinging ants.

This reminds me of something out of a B horror flick. Let’s call it ‘Floatingvenomousantmass’ or something like that. Huge numbers of pissed off fire ants (They’re pissed off ‘cuz they’re wet, you see) invade the suburbs and attack anything that gets in their path. Soon everyone is covered with nasty welts, screaming in horror….


But wait a sec.

This is real. This isn’t made up. This kinda shit could happen here.

Florida, I really think you’re starting to piss me off.