What On Earth Do You Have Hiding Under That Hat?

I like hats. I wear them all the time. Day in, and day out. I have a huge assortment of ball caps in every color and style imaginable.

One advantage of throwing on a cap, is you don’t have to worry about what your hair looks like. Pop one on and it’s off to Walmart. Or wherever. I’ve even been known to throw on a stocking cap if it’s a bit nippy outside.

But what in the hell is the deal with these hats???

You could knit a sweater with all the yarn in this hat.
You could knit a sweater with all the yarn in this hat.

There are a ton of guys who wear these down here. In Florida. Where it’s not cold.

But this is irrelevant. The thing that gets me, is these hats are filled to the brim with what I can only assume is hair.

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little...
I think I just threw up in my mouth a little…

I have yet to see someone sporting one of these hats that looks even remotely clean. So I’m not a betting gal, but if I was, I would lay odds that the shit tucked up under that hat is pretty nasty. Shove a bug bomb in that sucker.

I also can’t help but get the mental picture of the Cat in the Hat. Pry that bad boy off and out pops Thing 1 and Thing 2.

SURPRISE!!!!
SURPRISE!!!!

That would be pretty badass, though.  Having little creatures living under your hat (Not bugs, though)……sorry, kinda got off track there. Just imagining how many people I could freak out, like at the bank. Good times…;)

But these dudes are definitely not The Cat in the Hat. Nowhere close. Probably shouldn’t be left alone with children, either. I don’t care if they are bored and it’s raining…

And another thing. It looks stupid. Like you have a big ass alien head.

Yes!!! Your head looks like Roger!!!
Yes!!! Your head looks like Roger!!!

Except Roger has a better chance of finding a girlfriend than you do. Because he bathes. And would wash and comb his hair. If he had any.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go grab a shower. Just the thought of the roach motel hiding under some of those caps makes my skin crawl.    k