Before you get your panties all tied in a knot, I don’t think homelessness is funny. That being said, I have seen plenty of homeless people, and I have found some of their signs quite humorous. See how that works??? Homelessness = not funny. Homeless signs= can be funny.
This being said, here are what I feel are the top 7 homeless signs at the time of this post.
And the grand prize winner is…………………
Everyone have a great weekend!!! And no death threats, please. k
What exactly is a ‘wigger’??? I’m so glad you asked.
For those of you still unfamiliar with the term, it’s exactly what it looks like. But here’s the definition from Wikipedia for those who have trouble putting two and two together.
Wigger (Common spelling ‘wigga’) is a slang term for a white person who emulates mannerisms, language, and fashion associated with African American culture. The term is a combination of white and nigger.
And Florida is crawling with them. They’re everywhere. Just like cockroaches.
There’s your Stage 1, or as I fondly call them, the thug-let wigger. Just a kid, parents are lower to middle class. A ‘wannabe’. Basically just a nuisance.
Unfortunately many do not out grow this stage and become stage 2 wiggers. These idiots are most likely in juvie, if still in school at all. Many find out in this stage that they’re going to be a ‘baby daddy’ for the first time.
At this stage, there are still some tools out there that don’t quite understand that living in the back bedroom of your baby mammas parents double wide ( That’s a mouthful!!!) is not all it’s cracked up to be. These morons keep chasin’ the dream that they’re badass and gonna be famous, while living off everyone else’s dime.
If they don’t wake up at this point, they turn into….
Stage 3 wiggers. These are your wiggers in their twenties and thirties. They usually have an entire basketball team of dependents, all with different mothers.
This stage is the scariest, because it easily segues into white trash loser tweeker. Also, they’ve been so dependent on everyone else, there is little hope for them to ever provide for themselves in the wild.
We know very little about the Stage 4 wigger. As this is a fairly recent phenomenon, there is virtually no credible data available at this time. As soon as some comes in, I will let you know.
And that boys and girls is what a wigger is. There will be a test on Monday. k
What did become of Zima, that lovely, lightly carbonated beverage of the ’90’s???
Before I answer that question, let me explain to the few who are unfamiliar with this clearmalt. Just what it is exactly, and why was it for a short time so popular.
Zima was introduced to the public by Coors Brewing Company in 1993. It was 4.7-5.4% alcohol by volume and was categorized under the popular term of the day, ‘alcopop.” I prefer ‘bitch beer’ myself.
This lemon-lime beverage was created during the ‘clear craze’ of the nineties. Remember Crystal Pepsi and Tab Clear??? They were obviously equally successful. Yummo. It was also created to compete with the increasingly popular wine cooler, such as Bartles and Jaymes.
Zima had a tough time appealing to the male crowd, despite a 1995 marketing campaign for Zima Gold which contained a ‘hint’ of bourbon. The amber colored beverage was a failure, and soon disappeared from shelves.
Even with the rumors that Zima actually contained no alcohol and that it would fail to show up on a breathalyzer test, it continued to decrease in popularity. It was consistently parodied on ‘Late Night with David Letterman’ and could never escape the stigma of being considered a ‘girly-man’ drink.
Then in 2000, Smirnoff introduced Smirnoff Ice, and Zima all but completely fell out of the limelight. Coors finally stopped distribution in the United States in October of 2008.
But all is not lost for Zima. Seems the Japanese love this beverage!
You can find it in the vast majority of bars in Tokyo. And the men drink it. And they’re not embarrassed. Why not ??? I’m not sure. They’re Japanese, and I do not understand the Japanese.
Unfortunately though, for all the Zima lovers still left in the States, you’re SOL. You can’t have it shipped from Japan, as it is illegal. I guess you’ll just have to suffer through a few bottles of Smirnoff Ice instead.
And that my friends, is what happened to Zima. The end. k
I got to see up close and personal one of the reasons you should feed the wildlife.
It was Sunday, and everyone knows that according to my religion, I must be out in the sun on Sundays. I don’t know why everyone doesn’t practice this. To me it’s a no brainer. Sun + day = Sunday. Can’t get any clearer than that.
So we get up early, load the jeep up with our gear and head to Fort Desoto. And it is a beautiful day, I might add.
We get out there and march our happy asses out to the south pier. There we set up camp. Yes, I said camp. Because when you go fishing with Leigh Ann you bring everything.
Now all over the Fort Desoto pier, there are signs that say don’t feed the wildlife. As a matter of fact, everywhere I’ve been to so far has signs that state clearly ‘Do Not Feed The Wildlife’. I totally get this and support it. It’s one of the worst things you can do to a wild creature.
The problem is, these idiots who think ‘Awwww, it’s ok if little Johnny does it this time. It won’t be that big of a deal. And look how cute he is!!!’
You see, the birds have been eating the shrimp that Johnny and Susie have been tossing to them all day. You know, because it’s just so darn cute. So when a fisherman reels in his catch, the birds think it’s for them. And gets a lovely barbed hook imbedded in it’s beak.
Yeah. Real cute.
So how about you obey the signs. They’re there for a reason. And you and your family are not exempt from following them, no matter how cute you think your kids look.
And yes, just this one time can hurt. Ask this pelican. I’m sure he’d tell you if his beak wasn’t all ripped up. k
(The bird was lucky. He was a bit sore, and I’m sure and not to thrilled. But he was basically unharmed. This time.)
On this installment of ‘Should I waste my money???’ I review the latest fad, ‘adult’ coloring books.
Strange enough, I have much experience in this new phenomenom. I jumped on the bandwagon last year. And frankly, I frikkin’ love to color!!!
Why do I love coloring??? Oh, let me count the ways!!!
1. It’s relaxing. This is obvious. For anyone stuck in the real world, any opportunity to not have to act responsible is welcome.
2. I can still be creative. Coloring keeps my creative juices aflowin’ which is a plus for me in any recreational activity.
3. I get to regress. Who doesn’t enjoy the chance to go back to their childhood when life was simpler??? I know I do.
4. It’s inexpensive. You get bang for your buck. And ‘artwork’. Win!
Fairly minimal investment, heh??? Far cheaper than a therapist. Safer than a 9mm. And unlike meth, it’s legal and won’t trash your teeth.
5. You also can curl up with your kids and enjoy this pastime together. This can be worth it’s weight in gold for parents and grandparents of all ages. Anyone with kid’s knows exactly what I’m talking about.
6. Weather crappy??? No worries. You can pretty much color regardless of what Mother Nature is hurling at you.
7. No internet??? No problem.
So as you can clearly see, I’m a fan of ‘adult’ coloring books. Should you spend your hard earned dollar on them??? That’s up to you.
But I would give ‘adult’ coloring books $$$$ out of a possible $$$$$. k
When I moved to Florida, I had no idea that I was going to trade one hole for another. (Shame on you!! Get your mind out of the gutter!!) What I’m referring to is trading potholes for sinkholes.
Anyone who has driven in the Midwest or further north is more than likely familiar with what locals term as ‘pothole season.’ For those who aren’t, here’s a little diagram on how these automotive nightmares are created.
Water seeps in the cracks, freezes and presto!!!
This wreaks havoc on your vehicle. Messes up your alignment, flattens tires, rips the entire suspension up, you name it. Plus both passengers and drivers alike have been known to suffer injuries such as sore backs, stiff necks, bitten tongues.
Now on to sinkholes.
My understanding is that Florida (especially central Florida, where I reside) is made up of carbonate rock (limestone and dolostone). This is overlain with layers of clay. Carbonate rocks store and transmit groundwater.
Through a chemical process, thanks to said groundwater, these carbonate rocks can dissolve. And viola!!! Sinkhole!!!
At least with a pothole, its an ongoing visible process. With a sinkhole, it’s more of a “Surprise!!! I just swallowed your house!!!”
Oh, and death is a much higher probability if you’re being sucked to the center of the earth. Just pointing that out. (Sorry, Mom.)
But with sinkholes you have lot less ‘volume’. They’re more geographically spaced out.
Ah, potholes are easier to repair, though. Unless you live in Sioux Falls, SD. There’s been the mother of all potholes in front of the Empire Mall on South Louise for at least four years. That sucker could swallow a Fiat. Maybe it’s really a sinkhole??? Aliens???
Back to my point.
Anywhere you go, you’re going to trade one thing for another. Bad or good. It could be sinkhole for pothole. Could be earthquake for flooding. Tornado for hurricane. Beach for snow…:)
If you’re looking for the perfect place, you’re not going to find it. It’s just not there. Just enjoy the good and deal with the bad.
First of all, Grady is a badass on crime. And right now I don’t know too many American’s out there who believe that being liberal on crime is working. I despise crime. Therefore, Grady speaks my language.
Let me tell you my favorite, and probably best known Grady Judd story.
Now some of this is might be heresay, but I’m quite certain there’s a decent amount of factual data behind these reports. This happened in September of 2006, right here in Lakeland, FL.
It starts out with this suspect who ‘allegedly’ shot two deputies and a sheriffs dog.
After a routine traffic stop, the suspect suddenly fled into the woods. They were attempting to apprehend this jackass when he opened up on them, resulting in the death of one of the deputies, execution style. The other deputy was also wounded, and the sheriffs canine was also killed.
Thus, started a massive manhunt. For the remainder of the day and overnight the search continued. The next morning he was spotted by a 10 member SWAT team, holding the fallen officers .45 in his hand. They immediately opened fire. Lots and lots of fire. 110 bullets to be exact, 68 of them striking the subject.
So why does this make me so enamored by one Sheriff Judd???
It was how he addressed the press afterward.
When asked why his department shot the suspect 68 times, Grady responded, and I quote…
“Because we ran out of bullets.”
And that’s how it’s done in Polk County. Boo-yah!!! k
Today was the first time in 15 years that I sat my fat ass in a dentist chair. Yes, this is not a typo, I said 15 years.
Why so long??? Probably a combination of things.
First, it’s damn expensive. Even with dental insurance. And they want the cash up front. These factors alone will assist in my already rampant procrastination.
Besides, who wouldn’t rather spend their hard earned cash on other things??? A whole lot of other things.
Second, it’s inconvenient. Throws off your entire day. Not only do you have to miss work for the appointment, but there’s recovery time if you have any work done. Not recovery as with major surgery, but recovery time for the ‘I look like a chipmunk and can’t feel my face’ recovery.
Third, it’s painful. I think this is the main reason we all put off the dentist. But I can tell ya, it’s a lot better than it used to be. Imagine dealing with this…
Or even this.
At least they gave you this…
But in all honesty, it wasn’t that bad. Granted, as I write this, the novocaine still hasn’t completely wore off. They numb you up so much you can’t feel a damn thing. Sure it’s uncomfortable. But I can deal with discomfort. A pap smear is just as uncomfortable and I still hit up the gyno every year.
So why do I keep putting off the dentist?
It could be the sound of having your jawbone drilled and your tooth being pried out. Or it could be the smell of hot bone coming off the drill bit. Maybe it’s the gritty taste of fragments of your own teeth.
Could be everything I’ve mentioned here, or a combination thereof.
All I know is I have a follow up appointment next week. And I’m going to start going to my dentist regularly. This could of been prevented if I hadn’t put this off and I wasn’t such a pussy.
Plus, there’s no way in hell I want teeth that sleep in a glass at night. Not happening. k
Yes, I’m seriously asking you, you self-absorbed waste of space. Why are you such a dick???
Did your mommy not show you enough attention when you were little???
Or did she show you too much, lifting your little pompous ass up and putting it on a pedestal?? For some reason, you seem to think that you merit the worlds undivided attention. And I am dying to know what ever gave you the idea that any sane person in there right mind gives a fuck about what you think you deserve.
You are what’s wrong with society today. You are the poster child for every black stereotype there currently is.
Go Fund Me??? Whaaaaat???
You’re $53 million in debt and this is “your personal struggle.”??? This is such an insult to real, hard working Americans who are trying to keep the heat on and put food on their tables.
And you think that the American public should help you???